


Roots

by BrittaR (Taaya)



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: -Ish, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, holo suite, spoilers for all of season 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:34:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28649118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taaya/pseuds/BrittaR
Summary: After That Hope is You Part 2, you're not sure to see Saru ever again. But when you do, are you still going to lose him after all?
Relationships: Saru (Star Trek)/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Roots

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing for Saru. I'm not sure I got his speech patterns right. (They reminded me of TOS Spock a bit ... but I'm not sure if that's my fault - or the explanation why I like Saru that much :D )

You had gone through so much. When you came aboard the Discovery, right after she launched, you had no idea what was to come. Soon the only Kelpian in the fleet come aboard and at first he was just a superior. When he noticed your eagerness to learn, he became your mentor. You two then moved on to being friends, something that didn’t seem to come easily for him.

And somewhere between fighting a war and chasing strange signals, when Saru finally warmed up and began forming other real friendships, it had become more. You had never quite talked about it. Oh, you did talk, actually your relationship, while not completely platonic, was more cerebral than corporal. But you hadn’t put labels on what you two were for each other and with each other. It was fine how it was, why change that or force some word to maybe come between you?

Not that there hadn’t been a few moments when you wished you had something more … material, or at least formal. When you thought he’d die, he had asked Michael to be with him, not you. Michael didn’t love Saru, there was no reason to be jealous, right? But it had hurt.

He had survived, though. Saru had changed, had become bolder, sometimes even in a frightening way. But you had made it through those changes and it had brought you closer to each other.

And now you were back here. Back in your quarters in the dark, wondering if he had died. If Discovery had been in time to get him back from the dilithium planet. Chances were slim. They only had four hours, that was what Saru had said before leaving for the Kelpian ship. And you had been gone much longer than four hours, had almost died in between, had almost destroyed but then saved the Federation. And then you had jumped through the mycelial network just in time to escape the explosion of your own warp core.

You shouldn’t even have to live through all this, you were non-essential personnel after all, just a junior science officer. But you had been locked in an experiment chamber, hermetically sealed, when the ship had been taken over. Walls too thick to pick up your life sign through them, you had been safe there, even safe from the air being sucked out. But with the command codes being overwritten, you had no way to get out either. And yet you had survived. You all had. It was too much to ask now, that Saru and the others who had been inside the nebula had survived, too, right?

You knew the sound of the door opening by heart, and you recognized the sound of hooves on the floor. Still you didn’t turn your head. As long as you sat in the dark, you felt lost, tired, but calm and not without hope. If you turned your head and saw that your ears were playing tricks on you, could you keep it together any longer?

“I was surprised not to find you in the transporter room.” Saru’s voice was low, not much more than a whisper.

“If you were dead, I would not want to know. And if you were alive, I was not sure if you were willing to see me there.” That you had no label for what you were also meant that it was not official, not even to Starfleet yet. Maybe it wasn’t illegal, not even in these strange new times. Had you been there without having any job to do in the transporter room, would have told everyone that you were there for personal reasons.

“And you still do not turn around?”

“I don’t want you to just be an illusion. If you are, I don’t want to know.”

Again, you hear hooves moving over the floor, coming closer. The rustling of clothes and a slight cracking of joints that aren’t as young as they once used to be. Then you felt Saru’s arms closing around you. You saw his hand on your stomach, still showing signs of radiation poisoning, treated, but not yet fully healed.

“I ordered Mr. Booker to only jump us in the vicinity of Starfleet Headquarters, not too close. Admiral Vance has agreed that the crew should be allowed to slowly process what happened today instead of having to debrief just yet”, he said and you had the notion he was only talking for the sake of talking, to let you hear his voice and not to actually convey any real message.

“Travelling at impulse speed?”

“What use are impulse engines if we never use them, after all?”

You smirked. He was referring to your child-like attitudes sometimes, claiming that the impulse engines might be jealous of the warp or spore drive, because they might feel unloved. “I’m glad you’re not dead”, you said.

“As am I. And I am glad that you survived the ordeal as well.”

Only then did you let your tears flow. After all it was a long day and while you had not been as heroic as Tilly or Burnham - maybe not just because you simply had no opportunity to be heroic - you still had a lot to process.

* * *

  
  
  


“I would like to show you something.”

You had arrived back at Starfleet yesterday and had been granted shore leave. Well, just without the shore, yet. But Discovery had first to get an overhaul, before you could go anywhere to actually take your much deserved vacation. So for the time being you were just biding your time at HQ and making use of what little recreational facilities they had.

“I … have experienced something, back on the dilithium planet, and I would like to share it with you”, Saru had said before guiding you to one of the holo suites. “I was able to recreate certain aspects of what the Kelpian ship was able to do for Su’Kal and … there is something that … I would like to have your opinion on.”

And so he had led you into this huge, empty room - empty except for a basket, a blanket and some food, all of which he ignored at the moment.

“Computer? Start program Saru 01.”

You looked around you and saw green fields, flowers and trees. But he hadn’t said anything about those when he had told you about his time on the Kelpian ship.

“This is merely …ambience”, he explained, standing behind you. Saru’s voice sounded different, all of a sudden. A little clearer than usual. You turned around to ask for the reason, when there was a human being in front of you. He looked … seasoned, maybe a little thin, but he had huge, kind eyes and a light smile that you recognized in any form.

“Saru?”

He nodded. “I do not know for sure why, but the program that was raising and protecting Su’Kal thought it necessary to give us a different appearance than our own. Not different in a matter of becoming somebody else entirely, just portraying us as we would look like would we belong to a different species.”

You wondered if that was a form of cultural appropriation and to be frowned upon. But then again, humans weren’t exactly ostracized or suppressed. And it definitely didn’t hurt you. “So, if you were genetically changed into a human, you’d look like that?”, you asked.

“I assume there is a margin of error, but …yes. Do .. do you find this appearance attractive?”

You smiled sadly. Not because you didn’t think he was gorgeous. He was. What hurt was that even after becoming a captain, after having lived through all of this, he still always seemed to doubt himself. He always had been scared of what others thought of him. Hell, you remembered when he had debated for days what words he was supposed to use when giving Detmer the command to take off, as if that even mattered.

His smile faded. “Oh…”

“Saru”, you said, putting as much warmth into your words as possible. “You have always been and always will be attractive to me. But … I like you the way you are. Sure, this human … is … not bad … “ You grinned. “But that is not you and you don’t need to hide who you are, especially not for me. I fell in love with a Kelpian and as much as I like this human form - I like to stick with the original.” Now your smirk grew diabolic. “Unless I can have both at the same time? I wouldn’t mind that.”

Saru breathed out in relief and smiled that little, fondly exasperated smile of his. Good, so he knew you were only teasing about wanting both versions of him. Well, maybe it wasn’t all teasing … Then his smile faded again. “But actually I came here to talk to you about … something that is important to me. Would you care to join me in what is called, I believe, a picnic?”

“It must be something major if you think you need to feed me first.”

“Humans tend to react outside their normal characteristic patterns if they are hungry”, Saru reminded you and spread out the blanket before placing the various dishes onto it, for you to choose whatever you liked.

Only after Saru was sure your blood sugar levels were far from making you irritable, he continued: “I am going to Kaminar, with Su’Kal.” 

You nodded. “Okay. That was to be expected. How long will you stay there? All shore leave long?”

“I … have no intention to return at the moment. I already advised Admiral Vance to hand command over to Commander Burnham.”

You swallowed hard at the bite you had just chewed on. “So, you’re taking me to the holo suite to … what? Break up with me?” Your eyes were already growing wet but you refused to cry. After all he had never said anything about commitment, right? He was free to go whenever he wanted. 

Saru tried to take your hand but you pulled away from him. Still he kept calm. “I took you here to ask you if you were willing to come with me. Su’Kal needs a family now, somebody to root him down, to create a real home for him. And I … cannot imagine my family to be complete without you.”

“Oh…” Now you were the one not knowing what to say. Were you willing to give up your career for him? But then you all had lost your roots. You had only survived this far because you had Saru at your side. Living in a strange new future without him sounded worse than living in a strange new future without Starfleet. And maybe someday you would return, after all. With the dilithium planet and Discovery out there, with Book being able to navigate the spore drive and the possibility to install the system in other ships as well now, Starfleet would never be too far away. Maybe you could even still be part of it. After all, more than one hundred years had gone by and the scientific databanks sure needed an update of their data from Kaminar and its neighbouring systems, right?

“So … I am more than a short lived affair for you?”

“Have you ever doubted that?” He seemed surprised.

You shrugged.

“You are my partner, if you wish to be. For as long as you wish to be.”

“I guess, I should go pack my bags, then. Time to go home. What clothes do I need for Kaminar?” 

The smile he gave you was the second most beautiful sight in your life. The smile that still was on his lips when he ended the program and looked like himself again - that was up there on rank 1. 


End file.
